After reading the recent response from the Vice President of the Teamsters Local 747, I felt that it would be in the best interests of my colleagues to "parse" [parse: To break (a sentence) down into its component parts of speech with an explanation of the form, function, and syntactical relationship of each part] his letter, since Mr. Smith was not, apparently, born a natural truth-teller. Many of you might remember the reporters who spent much effort parsing President Clinton’s testimony while he was attempting to deflect the Monica Lewinsky charges.
Since many of you are much better at shooting an ILS to minimums than making sense of corporate-speak babble. I actually hesitate to use "corporate-speak" in relation to Mr. Smith’s essay, since generally even the lowliest corporate cog has better punctuation, capitalization and grammar skills than Mr. Smith.
I prefer to remain, like the semi-mysterious Mohafta, anonymous.
Here is Mr. Smith’s letter, parsed for the benefit of Kitty Hawk pilots:
Note: Smith wrote Paragraphs in red. Paragraphs in [brackets] are the parsed results.
Gary Smith, VP Teamsters Local 747
We live in a world in which agreements are crafted in order to benefit the parties associated with them. The signatories are responsible to abide by such once accepted. This includes ALPA and the IBT
.[Well here, he incorrectly capitalized "union", but was successful in using the term "degradation" in a sentence. Unfortunately, he ended the sentence in a preposition, so there goes his bonus points. Ah well. At this point, I’ll stop correcting his grammar, since that would be an essay in and of itself, and we have to make the assumption that he never quite made it all the way through high school. We’ll allow this as a "best effort", although for the life of me, I can’t figure out what he means by "breaking down conditions." I’m sure it made sense to him when he wrote it.]
An example would be that of a member going to management and cutting a personal deal thereby circumventing the Union members rights to a negotiated contract.
[Here, he is relating to the specific reason that the Teamsters were kicked out of the AFL-CIO--for corruption. The Teamsters took bribes from management to negotiate or amend contracts in management’s interest in a multitude of cases. Unfortunately, this gravy train was halted when the federal courts took control of the Teamsters from the elected Teamster officials, and the AFL-CIO decertified them from the union organization.]
Whipsawing one group against another only works into management's hands. The eventual outcome, if such action prevailed, would cause impotence within the AFL-CIO and Trade Unionism as a whole.
[Arrgh. "Trade Unionism" shouldn’t be capitalized, but again, we have to make the assumption that a truck driver actually working a computer is like a dancing pig: it doesn’t really matter how well the pig dances, but that it’s dancing at all. In this statement, he is making the point that in an election, if the Kitty Hawk pilots had to actually choose between the Teamsters and ALPA on the same ballot card, this would, uh, "whipsaw" the two trade organizations. Reading between the lines, it is clear that having the choice between ALPA and the Teamsters would actually "whipsaw’ the Teamsters right out of the running. The Teamsters don’t want to be "whipsawed" into oblivion. He then makes the point that leaving Kitty Hawk without any representation at all is much better for "trade unionism" than if we had been allowed to "whipsaw" the Teamsters into outer space. If you replace "AFL-CIO" and "trade unionism" with "Teamsters airline division", this sentence makes more sense: "The eventual outcome, if such action prevailed, would cause impotence within the Teamsters airline division." Now the sentence makes sense: We, the Teamsters, are impotent. We cannot win an election against a virile union such as ALPA. Just like men the world ‘round, we don’t want anyone to know that we’re impotent.]
[Here he conveniently dismisses the fact that ALPA was actually in an organizing campaign when the Teamsters filed for a single-carrier status. The interlopers were actually the Teamsters, not ALPA.]
In this case the IBT initiated the process.
[Nope.]
This doesn't prohibit pilots from choosing another Union such as ALPA and having it certified.
[If you’ve ever read any court testimony from Teamster corruption trials (available on the Internet) you’ll see Teamster representatives lying through their teeth in this exact fashion. They get so used to lying that they think that nobody even notices. Until the sentence is handed down by the judge. Heh.]
However in the KHA election the AFL-CIO apparently believed sufficient evidence was available to detail ALPA's violation of the Articles preventing solicitation.
[Here, even though an accomplished untruth-teller, he can’t even represent as fact that ALPA "solicited". Instead, he says, "the AFL-CIO apparently believed". He knows it’s not true, but he doesn’t have to prove it true, so there. "Apparently" is good enough, especially when he might later have to testify in court. See! I told you this was a lot like Clinton-parsing. If you try hard, you can actually see Mr. Smith on the stand, ‘I do not recall the exact actions that ALPA took to solicit the pilots. I only know that apparently the AFL-CIO believed sufficient evidence was available…"]
[That’s you…the Kitty Hawk pilots. You chose ALPA with more than a 90% majority. Here he says, "a certified group may feel". Note the word "feel". In his eyes, the representation we deserve is the Teamsters. Just because they only got one vote doesn’t mean that he feels that we "deserve" anything else. Actually, what he means is that the Teamsters "deserve" the Kitty Hawk pilots. See, it’s hard being a Teamster when you don’t get any respect. The Teamsters really wanted us, so they "deserve" us. It’s not playing fair to choose ALPA when they weren’t even on the ballot, when Mr. Treichler tried so hard to make us believe that Local 747 really had our best interests at heart all along. ]
Still the AFL-CIO Articles prevent solicitation. However this does not mean that a group who feels disenfranchised cannot choose another Union for representation.
[He’s doing it again. The Kitty Hawk pilots just did, in fact, "choose another union for representation". A lot like President Clinton during the dark days, Mr. Smith probably doesn’t even realize when he’s lying or telling the truth anymore. It was actually kind of nice for him to actually make this statement in writing. When he is called upon the witness stand during our lawsuit (oops, I don’t think I was supposed to let that cat out of the bag) our attorney can actually make him read it out loud. Maybe a couple of times.]
AFL-CIO members just cannot solicit.
I cannot overly stress that a multitude of straightforward letters in addition to telephone calls were provided the KHA pilots in an effort to detail the important circumstances and provisions of the AFL-CIO Articles. The KHA pilot leadership continued to encourage its pilots to disregarded these facts.
[This reads: We warned you that this was not an actual election. The Teamsters don’t believe in elections. We warned you that if you didn’t elect the Teamsters, the Teamsters would be appointed for you. Think of his statement this way: in Cuba, there is a multitude of ‘democratic" elections. In each case, you get to vote for the only candidate on the ballot. Hey, you got to "vote" didn’t you? You just didn’t get to decide. He neglected to mention the fact that the KHA pilot leadership was not, and is not, a member of the AFL-CIO, and would have been remiss to encourage the KHA pilots to follow the Teamster’s interpretation of an arcane rule of a non-related organization. All the KPA knew was that ALPA wouldn’t even TALK to us, let alone solicit our members. ]
[You can’t argue too much with this statement. Here, Mr. Smith is saying, "Hey guys, ALPA totally screwed you by not informing you that they would refuse you". Can’t fault him for telling the one uncontested truth in his whole letter. He’s also being honest that the Teamsters threatened us and when we didn’t do what they told us to do, they followed through on their threats. Kind of like on the Soprano’s, "You don’t give me the garbage hauling bid, I’ll blow your kneecaps off." Well, I guess we shouldn’t underestimate the fact that the Teamster leadership has to keep its threats or no one will take them seriously. Here was the threat: "You vote for us, or you don’t get a union." We didn’t, and we didn’t.
Unfortunately, ALPA has a long and storied history of screwing various pilot groups. They’re not a particularly good choice for us as a union. The problem is, the only other choices are the Teamsters (by the way, were we to vote them in, the very first thing they’d want is our retirement money, "You sign over your 401-k money to a defined benefit plan administered by the Teamsters, or we breaka’ yo’ legs.") and the KPA. While well-meaning, the KPA hasn’t been, um, "particularly effective" in getting us representation, so I can’t believe they would be a good choice to sit on the other end of a negotiating table from Ford-Harrison.]
The AFL-CIO hearings bear this fact out. The IBT has asked the Board to drop the two-year bar altogether and let KHA pilots hold another election now, if they so chose.
[Here’s what I can’t figure out. Although this isn’t a bad thing for us, what the hell? How in the world does the Teamster organization get the authority to tell the National Mediation Board when and how to hold elections? This is very puzzling.]
ALPA is still barred for one year.
[Oh, I see now. That’s why they want the bar lowered for another election. See, if we were to play by the NMB’s rules, we couldn’t vote on representation for another year---and one year is exactly when the restriction on ALPA runs out. I see now…they’re saying "you can vote the Teamsters in now, or wait a whole year for ALPA." That’s why they asked the NMB to allow another vote prior to the one-year waiting restriction. If they didn’t allow another vote, all the Teamsters would have accomplished would be to delay ALPA for one year. They must be thinking that simply delaying ALPA for one year isn’t worth this much egg on their face. If we were to vote in KPA, or Teamsters in the next two months, the Teamsters wouldn’t look quite as stupid. Well, in their eyes. They already look like idiots to anyone following this saga.
What they are hoping beyond hope, fingers crossed and all, is that pressure, either public or legal, doesn’t reverse the AFL-CIO’s position. They better cross a lot of fingers and toes, ‘cause I think that the AFL has a lot less riding on the outcome of this than the Teamsters do. If this were to make it to civil court, the AFL would have to produce the supporting documentation that they relied upon to make the "impartial umpire" ruling. Well, this documentation doesn’t exist, which means they won’t go to court. My money is on the "impartial umpire" decision being set aside as the pressure mounts. Too bad ALPA’s not on our side, or this would be a much quicker battle.]
My heart felt wish of success goes out to them.
[I don’t really hate Clinton, in fact, in some ways I kinda like ol’ Bill. However, this Mr. Smith really does remind me of the days when Clinton came across as his slimiest.]
I hope they find an organization that will provide them with the representation they so earnestly deserve.
[Well, not really, or I (Mr. Smith) would have dropped the Article 21 filing and let them elect ALPA, but this letter isn’t being written while I (Mr. Smith) is hooked up to a lie-detector or anything, so what the hell?]
The sacrifice this group of pilots unwittingly made in ALPA's ill-fated attempt to control the airline industry will eventually provide stability and strength. A benefit all Union members will realize throughout their careers.
[Ahh. As Shakespeare would say, "there’s the rub". The Teamsters are pissed, pissed, pissed ( ! ) that ALPA has been running rings around them. This isn’t a battle over Article 21, or who represents the Kitty Hawk pilots. In fact, arguing that Article 21 hadn’t been violated isn’t even relevant. The Teamsters got stung by the defection of UPS, the defection of ATA, the loss of the dues of the KHI pilots, the disatisfaction of the Express One folks…this whole thing is really bigger than the election at Kitty Hawk. This is really about the titans battling it out for survival in the airline union industry. The Teamsters finally drew a line in the sand, after being spanked repeatedly by ALPA success stories. They knew that if they didn’t fight this battle, they were irrelevant. When the Teamsters drew this line in the sand, ALPA put it’s hands in it’s collective pockets, and walked away from the fight, whistling a nervous tune. We can argue the finer points of the AFL-CIO "umpire" rulings until we’re blue in the face, but really the fight is between the giants and we don’t have anything to do with it. The Teamsters are fighting to stay relevant. ALPA already is relevant, so they don’t need to fight. Unfortunately, one would wish that ALPA would show some character, but as mentioned earlier, they have a long history of screwing various small pilot groups. On the other hand, when they aren’t screwing small pilot groups, they actually represent them, unlike the Teamsters, whom only want dues--and pension money. ]
[Ok, the previous paragraph wasn’t the real "rub", this is! It’s working! Our attempts to "blacken the eyes" are so effective; he has to actually bring it up and ask us to stop. He admits they’re bruised, and that’s before the lawsuit has even been filed. As more and more organized pilots are made aware of the actions of these mouth-breathers, the more the Teamster airline leadership will be held up to ridicule. I predict that before all is said and done, one of these three will either be fired from the Teamsters, or "resign", as in, "Treichler, goddamit, you’re hereby resigned!" Or better yet, "Smith, we’ve been looking at the numbers and have decided that since Local 747’s dues paying membership has declined by 80% while you were vice president, there really isn’t a need for your position in a local that only has 300 members remaining. You can use that box over there to pack up your desk."]
[He’s protesting a little too much, to paraphrase Shakespeare again. As the pressure keeps up, trust me, Mr. Smith will be as intimidated as hell. The Teamster leadership doesn’t like bad publicity, and the more publicity of the Teamster actions is generated, the lesser the chance of the Teamsters ever successfully organizing another airline. KPA, keep up the work. Even to the most rabid, loyal Teamsters, this action decertifying KHA’s union choice has to look bone-headed. "Wait—you mean that to serve the greater good of unionism, you made sure that these guys couldn’t form a union? Huh? Are you sure that was a good choice? I’m not sure I understand your reasoning. Didn’t they vote in a union fair and square?" While the elected Teamster officials may not be shining examples of either intelligence or integrity, the average Teamster member is a hard working, middle-class American, who feels very strongly about right and wrong. Tell this story to a truck driver, a Horizon or Airborne pilot and the response is always the same, "What in the hell are the Teamsters doing? Are they idiots?" Pressure is mounting from both within, and outside the Teamster barricades. The Teamster leadership doesn’t live in a vacuum.]
[Oh please…]
[Soon to be "VP Teamsters Local 747, Retired"]